I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
