I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
