u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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