Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
