how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
