I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
