I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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