Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
