Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
