so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
