You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
