Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
