I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
