his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
