And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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