Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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