I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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