Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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