What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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