you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
