I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
