"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
