I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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