my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
