In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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