if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
