Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
