i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
