Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
