we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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