I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
