considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
