Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
