fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
