You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
