We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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