Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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