i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
