So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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