What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
