Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
