the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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