Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
