You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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