It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
