i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
