I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
