I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
