yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
time to smoke my breakfast
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Boobs speak an international language.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
