Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You need Xanax blowdarts
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
